Letter back to the Pastor
Jul. 18th, 2005 09:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thebratqueenOkay, here's what I wrote back to the Pastor of the Baptist church.
Dear [Pastor's name],
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply to my previous email. I see from your website that I am not the first person who has been moved to contact you with regards to the banners, so I appreciate how patient and open you are to dialogue about what must be for you "same old, same old." Personally I've always felt that when we meet someone who has a viewpoint that contradicts our own we owe it to both them and ourselves to talk with them and find out why they think the way that they do. We may never agree with them or they with us, but how are we to learn until we try? Besides, you never know when God has put someone into our lives because He has a lesson that He wants to teach us, whether that lesson is something new, or a strengthening of something already known.
I say all of this because I gather from your reply and your writings on the website that you are of a similar mindset. So who knows? Maybe neither one of us will change the other's mind, but we may come out of it with a lesson of some sort that will help the both of us in the future - perhaps one that has nothing to do with homosexuality at all.
On to the topic at hand then!
With regards to the banner, I have to be honest and say that I can't help but feel this is a bit "That all depends on what your definition of 'is' is." I mean you say it's my assumption that the banner expresses opposition to same sex marriages then you go on to tell me that the correct interpretation of the banner is about supporting marriage... which includes actively opposing same-sex unions. I understand your point that opposition to same-sex unions is not the *only* point of the banner, but can we agree that my interpretation did not come entirely out of left field?
Moreover, I'm not entirely certain that your point completely contradicts mine. My point is that I don't think that banner is saying what you want it to say. Granted, this is again an assumption on my part, but if for you (I assume) the banner is about spreading a positive and pro-active message about providing loving services to help and nurture husbands, wives, and families and if for me, and those who went to your city council, and those who stole the previous banners it is clearly anti-same sex unions first and pro-anything else a distant second, then I don't think the banner is doing the job you want it to.
I'm reminded of a friend of mine who's from the South. Her family has lived in this country for centuries. That means she has ancestors that fought in the Civil War. For her a Confederate flag is about family history, and honoring the brave relatives who literally gave their all for what they believed in. However, for anybody else, a Confederate flag does not mean that thing. For a great deal of people a Confederate flag is a symbol of hate. If they saw her walking down the street with a Confederate flag T-shirt or if they saw her hanging a Confederate flag outside of her house they would take that as a sign that she was a racist.
Would these people be right in that assumption? No. Does she have the right to hang that flag outside of her house if she wants to? Of course she does. But the reality is that hanging that flag outside her home is going to make people assume that about her, so she needs to ask herself if that's the result she's looking for by hanging that flag.
Now one possible answer to this is for her to decide that if somebody doesn't want to take the time to get to know her personally then she doesn't care what they think about her. After all, it's their fault for making the knee-jerk assumption, right? And this is a valid point of view if her goal is to simply hang a flag up and who cares if she makes any new friends by it?
But let's say that what she really wanted to do is educate people so that they would understand that being from the South does not automatically mean that you are a racist. If that's her goal, then that flag is now standing in her way. The flag is chasing away the very people that she needs to make contact with in order to expose them to her point of view. In order to do what she wants she needs to take that flag down and figure out a better way to get her message across.
From what I can see, you currently have your own version of a Confederate flag outside of your church. You have a symbol there which is one of love only to the people who already agreed with you. Now again, it's my assumption that you're attempting to reach out to everyone who wants to hear your message. Maybe all you wanted to do is put a "Go us!" banner outside and, as in the case of the first flag example, you don't care if people make incorrect assumptions because of it.
But if your goal with the banner is to introduce your church to people who don't know about it, and to spread that message of "You're welcome" that I saw on your website, then the banner is standing in direct opposition to your goals. And you have the evidence of that already by the way people reacted to it.
Now let me say again I agree with you that people who ask for freedom of speech are hardly respecting *your* freedom of speech by stealing and defacing your banners - and that's not even getting into the issue of how those people are also breaking the law. Those reactions to your banners are absolutely, 100% in the wrong.
However, when we are faced with problems we need to deal with the problems. It's very well for you and I to sit here and say that people should not be stealing your banners. We're right, they *shouldn't*. But they *are*. So you and I can sit here and talk about how they shouldn't steal your banners until the cows come home and it's not going to do a single thing about the fact that people *are* stealing your banners. Likewise I'm sure you feel that they *shouldn't* look upon your church as a hateful and unwelcoming institution thanks to that banner but the reality is that they *are*.
You put one banner up. People didn't like it, they felt it was a hateful message, someone stole the banner from you. You put a second banner up. People didn't like it, they felt it was a hateful message, someone stole the banner from you. You put a third banner up, a fourth - while I admire your dedication, has nobody pointed out that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? Your relationship with this banner is starting to come across like the person who puts sour milk back into the fridge in the hopes that it'll taste fresh in the morning.
This isn't about your viewpoint about same-sex marriages and homosexuality or whether or not I or anyone else agree with it. It's about what is the message that you are trying to get across, and is the method you are using working to reach the very people who need to hear it.
While it's absolutely your right to put that banner outside in the same way that it would be my friend's right to hang a Confederate flag if *your* message is not one of hate and intolerance anymore than hers would be of racism, yet for years the both of you refuse to change your ways in response to those who say your banner/flag does not say what you think it does, after a while people are going to start to wonder if you care about spreading a message of God's love as much as you say you do.
Thanks again for your time,
[TBQ]
Dear [Pastor's name],
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply to my previous email. I see from your website that I am not the first person who has been moved to contact you with regards to the banners, so I appreciate how patient and open you are to dialogue about what must be for you "same old, same old." Personally I've always felt that when we meet someone who has a viewpoint that contradicts our own we owe it to both them and ourselves to talk with them and find out why they think the way that they do. We may never agree with them or they with us, but how are we to learn until we try? Besides, you never know when God has put someone into our lives because He has a lesson that He wants to teach us, whether that lesson is something new, or a strengthening of something already known.
I say all of this because I gather from your reply and your writings on the website that you are of a similar mindset. So who knows? Maybe neither one of us will change the other's mind, but we may come out of it with a lesson of some sort that will help the both of us in the future - perhaps one that has nothing to do with homosexuality at all.
On to the topic at hand then!
With regards to the banner, I have to be honest and say that I can't help but feel this is a bit "That all depends on what your definition of 'is' is." I mean you say it's my assumption that the banner expresses opposition to same sex marriages then you go on to tell me that the correct interpretation of the banner is about supporting marriage... which includes actively opposing same-sex unions. I understand your point that opposition to same-sex unions is not the *only* point of the banner, but can we agree that my interpretation did not come entirely out of left field?
Moreover, I'm not entirely certain that your point completely contradicts mine. My point is that I don't think that banner is saying what you want it to say. Granted, this is again an assumption on my part, but if for you (I assume) the banner is about spreading a positive and pro-active message about providing loving services to help and nurture husbands, wives, and families and if for me, and those who went to your city council, and those who stole the previous banners it is clearly anti-same sex unions first and pro-anything else a distant second, then I don't think the banner is doing the job you want it to.
I'm reminded of a friend of mine who's from the South. Her family has lived in this country for centuries. That means she has ancestors that fought in the Civil War. For her a Confederate flag is about family history, and honoring the brave relatives who literally gave their all for what they believed in. However, for anybody else, a Confederate flag does not mean that thing. For a great deal of people a Confederate flag is a symbol of hate. If they saw her walking down the street with a Confederate flag T-shirt or if they saw her hanging a Confederate flag outside of her house they would take that as a sign that she was a racist.
Would these people be right in that assumption? No. Does she have the right to hang that flag outside of her house if she wants to? Of course she does. But the reality is that hanging that flag outside her home is going to make people assume that about her, so she needs to ask herself if that's the result she's looking for by hanging that flag.
Now one possible answer to this is for her to decide that if somebody doesn't want to take the time to get to know her personally then she doesn't care what they think about her. After all, it's their fault for making the knee-jerk assumption, right? And this is a valid point of view if her goal is to simply hang a flag up and who cares if she makes any new friends by it?
But let's say that what she really wanted to do is educate people so that they would understand that being from the South does not automatically mean that you are a racist. If that's her goal, then that flag is now standing in her way. The flag is chasing away the very people that she needs to make contact with in order to expose them to her point of view. In order to do what she wants she needs to take that flag down and figure out a better way to get her message across.
From what I can see, you currently have your own version of a Confederate flag outside of your church. You have a symbol there which is one of love only to the people who already agreed with you. Now again, it's my assumption that you're attempting to reach out to everyone who wants to hear your message. Maybe all you wanted to do is put a "Go us!" banner outside and, as in the case of the first flag example, you don't care if people make incorrect assumptions because of it.
But if your goal with the banner is to introduce your church to people who don't know about it, and to spread that message of "You're welcome" that I saw on your website, then the banner is standing in direct opposition to your goals. And you have the evidence of that already by the way people reacted to it.
Now let me say again I agree with you that people who ask for freedom of speech are hardly respecting *your* freedom of speech by stealing and defacing your banners - and that's not even getting into the issue of how those people are also breaking the law. Those reactions to your banners are absolutely, 100% in the wrong.
However, when we are faced with problems we need to deal with the problems. It's very well for you and I to sit here and say that people should not be stealing your banners. We're right, they *shouldn't*. But they *are*. So you and I can sit here and talk about how they shouldn't steal your banners until the cows come home and it's not going to do a single thing about the fact that people *are* stealing your banners. Likewise I'm sure you feel that they *shouldn't* look upon your church as a hateful and unwelcoming institution thanks to that banner but the reality is that they *are*.
You put one banner up. People didn't like it, they felt it was a hateful message, someone stole the banner from you. You put a second banner up. People didn't like it, they felt it was a hateful message, someone stole the banner from you. You put a third banner up, a fourth - while I admire your dedication, has nobody pointed out that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? Your relationship with this banner is starting to come across like the person who puts sour milk back into the fridge in the hopes that it'll taste fresh in the morning.
This isn't about your viewpoint about same-sex marriages and homosexuality or whether or not I or anyone else agree with it. It's about what is the message that you are trying to get across, and is the method you are using working to reach the very people who need to hear it.
While it's absolutely your right to put that banner outside in the same way that it would be my friend's right to hang a Confederate flag if *your* message is not one of hate and intolerance anymore than hers would be of racism, yet for years the both of you refuse to change your ways in response to those who say your banner/flag does not say what you think it does, after a while people are going to start to wonder if you care about spreading a message of God's love as much as you say you do.
Thanks again for your time,
[TBQ]
