Trust Me Part Ten

[thebratqueen]

PROLOGUE REDUX

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, head of Research and Intelligence at Wolfram & Hart, stood alone in a room with Lilah Morgan, former *live* member of Wolfram & Hart, and was phenomenally pissed off.

"How long, precisely, was this intended to go on?" he asked.

Lilah shrugged, unphased by his emotions. "Not really sure this was an *intended*, Wes. It is what it is."

"It's a *farce*," he told her. "Did you honestly believe that no one would notice? That not one single person - "

"Not one single person *did* notice," she pointed out. She crossed her legs in an easy motion, her skirt riding up her thigh as she sat on the conference table. "Except, of course, for you."

Wesley drew his eyes upward again, reminding himself this was not the time to get seduced by memories - or by memories of *her*, at least. Others he was feeling remarkably possessive of. "Fix it."

She held up her hands in the very picture of innocence. "Can't."

"You *can*," Wesley said. He stalked forward, fully prepared to intimidate her by whatever means was necessary, to do whatever *had* to be done in order for her to *admit* what was going on now. "You started it, he came to *you* - "

"And I pointed him in the right direction," Lilah finished.

"Point him *back*," Wesley told her.

"Because it would be that easy?" Lilah asked.

"This is *wrong*," Wesley said, feeling seconds away from hitting the table or her if it meant getting his message across.

"Says you," Lilah replied.

Wesley folded his arms. "Do you think me to be that stupid? You *gave* him this opportunity. If you and the Senior Partners expect me to believe that they didn't plan on this the whole time - "

"Senior Partners gave him the keys to the castle," Lilah reminded him. "What Angel did with it was his own business."

Wesley refused to be swayed. "They *had* to have known."

Lilah shrugged. "Because they've been so good at predicting so many other things that happen to him? They know the big picture, Wes, but there's a lot of little details that fall by the wayside. Like, oh, say, the kid that's causing all of your problems? You and I both know they didn't see that coming."

"According to them," Wesley said.

"According to them," Lilah admitted. "But that's what all of this is in the end, isn't it? One big question of who to trust and who to believe in."

"I believe in Angel," Wesley told her.

"That really sound like a smart idea to you?" Lilah asked.

Wesley glared at her. "This ends *now*."

She shook her head, dislodging a lock of hair that had balanced precariously on her shoulder. "It isn't up to you, Wesley. This was Angel's deal. The only one who can break it is him."

"*Can* it be broken?" Wesley asked, studying her for any hint of deceit.

"If he wants to, yes," Lilah said. "But therein lies the rub. Right now I'd say he's pretty happy with the status quo."

"He can't be happy with this," Wesley said. "This can't be what he agreed to."

"Hate to tell you," Lilah said, "but it was."

"No."

"Arguing with me won't change that," she reminded him.

"Fine, I'll argue with *him* then," Wesley said.

Lilah made a sound of laughter. "It's not that easy."

Wesley stepped forward again. "If you did it for him - "

"I can do it for you too," Lilah agreed. Her eyes flashed as though she knew what closer proximity might have meant for the both of them. "But what exactly do you think will happen then? This isn't a dimension, Wesley. It's a reality. Angel changed reality. Now if you want to hop over and try the one he created, fine, but it's not like taking a quick trip to Pylea. You don't go over there. You *are* there."

Wesley sat down, feeling some of the air go out of him. "Because, naturally, right now I am *not*."

"Actually right now you *are*," Lilah said. "There's a Wesley Wyndam-Pryce living his life there just as you are here."

"So I replace him," Wesley said, trying to think over what little he knew of reality changes. "Or we trade places. Or - "

"Or you become one in the same," Lilah told him. "You of all people should know reality doesn't like disconnect. You cross the lines and you can't uncross them. If you do this then there won't be two of you anymore. Only one."

Wesley thought about this. That meant leaving this world - *this* reality - without his presence. If it was the same arrangement Angel made he knew it would only change things a little bit, but it still meant that the others would be without him for a time. Still, it was worth it if it meant fixing everything. "Fine."

"You think you can handle it?" Lilah asked, and she seemed genuinely curious.

Wesley puzzled it over some more. "There's more tricks, aren't there? If there's only one - " Realization dawned. "It would be him, wouldn't it? The me of *that* reality. I cross the lines and I don't even *remember* to come back."

Lilah mimed firing a gun at him. "Bingo."

"Then give me an out," Wesley told her. "A way to remember. A way to make *him* remember so he knows exactly what he's done - "

"He knew exactly what he was doing when he asked for this," Lilah reminded him.

"He did *not*," Wesley said.

"You're so certain of that?" Lilah asked. "Or of *you*? Do you really think you know what you're doing?"

Wesley met her eyes. "I know exactly what I'm doing."

Lilah stared at him, the silence stretching out between them for what seemed like hours. "It's a bad idea," she finally said.

"It is *not*," he replied, wondering how on earth for her it could even be a question. He stood up, walking away from his chair as though he could dismiss it and all the thoughts which were tormenting him. "I can't accept this."

She gave him a sympathetic grimace. "I don't think you get a choice."

"I refuse to accept this," he told her.

Now her eyes held hints of a smile, though the expression failed to reach her lips. "You always were a fighter."

He thought of all the times he'd fought for her - against the Beast, the lawfirm, *herself*. Not that it had ever mattered, of course. Not that he'd ever succeeded. "It's not *right*."

She shrugged, unmoved. "What's that got to do with anything?"

His eyes were drawn to the scarf around her neck, a pale reminder of all his failures had created between them. "How? How can you say this, when you - "

"I knew what I was getting into," she reminded him.

"You can't have predicted this. No one could."

"I don't predict," she said. "I act. I do. I look out for number one."

"Is that what you're doing now?" he asked, realizing there was absolutely nothing in this agreement that provided benefit for her - or at least none that he could determine. "Looking out for number one?"

"And *you*?" she asked. "What exactly are you doing right now?"

"Fighting to make things better," he said, confident of this.

"For who?" she asked.

"Everyone."

She reached out, brushing her fingertips over his cheek. He knew in his heart this would be her final, parting gesture. "There's just one catch."

"What?"

"Some things can't be changed."

"I *will* change them," Wesley told her.

She looked sad, though Wesley would never have suspected her of having that emotion. "I'll give you your out. One key to unlock yours and Angel's memory - and remember how to get *back*, if that's what you really want - "

"I do," Wesley said, immediately.

"You'll get your key," Lilah said again, as though she wasn't even paying attention to his words. "Then we'll see if you still recognize what really matters."

"Fine," Wesley said, satisfied with that.

***

PART TEN

"You son of a bitch," Angel said.

Wesley scrambled to his feet. "Oh that's *quite* rich coming from - "

"I don't recall saying you could stand," Angel told him.

"I don't recall giving you *any* sort of permission to rule my life!" Wesley shot back. "Of all the *unmitigated* gall!"

"*I've* got gall?" Angel asked him. "You waltz in here, rip apart everything I worked for - "

"Tell me, Angel," Wesley said, his voice icier than the snow around them, "was this reality the second or the third? You already tried once when you removed Connor. Now this. Considering that it's a *pattern* with you I can't help but wonder if I should be asking you what my bloody name is!"

"I've got a name for you," Angel said. "I've got *plenty* of names for you. You had *no right*!"

Wesley became even quieter. "*You* had no right, Angel. No right to make deals without consulting any of us, no right to push us - "

"You were going to join Wolfram & Hart anyway!"

"No right to *assume* you knew what was best for us!" Wesley finished, his eyes blazing. "Without even *asking* us. Without even *consulting* us."

"I *gave* you your life back," Angel said. "Every one of you. There wasn't a single one of you who wasn't doing anything they wouldn't have done anyway!"

"Which of course makes it *perfectly* acceptable for you to change whatever you *bloody* well pleased," Wesley retorted. "Which of course you *knew* which is why you waited until I wasn't even there. This was so *trivial* to you that you couldn't even be bothered to wait until I was back home!"

"That's not why I did it," Angel told him.

"Do you know I still can't decide what the worst of it all is," Wesley said. "That you did it, that you didn't ask, that you left the world without a Champion - "

"Spike *is* a Champion!" Angel snapped.

"Like Hell he is," Wesley replied. "That was *your* job, Angel."

"Well I didn't want it," Angel said.

"How *wonderful* for you," Wesley said, his voice thick with derision. "Tell me, at this point what would you *like* for me to believe? That you weren't duped by Wolfram & Hart or that it truly was your idea to abandon everything so that you could steal the Shanshu and force Spike to do all the work?"

"Is that - " Angel stared, temporarily struck dumb. "You think this is about the *Shanshu*? Is that honestly what you think of me?"

"I don't know that I have words enough to tell you what I *honestly* think of you," Wesley replied, "but at the moment I'm still favoring the duped theory which means that right now I merely regard you as fatally naive and stupid."

Angel snarled, grabbing Wes by the front of his coat and slamming him up against a tree. "I *chose* this, Wesley. No dupes, no tricks. This was *my* damned idea. And get it through your *useless* head right now that I don't give a *fuck* if the Senior Partners liked it or they didn't. This was *my* choice."

"Let go of me," Wesley told him.

Angel held fast. "You know why it was my choice? For *Connor*. I didn't want a human life for myself, I wanted it for *him*."

"He had one," Wesley pointed out.

"Not with *me*, "Angel said. He laughed, shaking his head. "You of all people. 'Angel, you've lost hope', 'Angel, you don't have anything to live for'. I didn't have my damn *kid*, Wesley. I had to give him up to work with evil and that was *not* a bright idea. I don't want that life. I want this one. And you are *not* taking my son away from me again."

"This is the wrong life," Wesley said. He tried shoving against Angel's arms. "You *fight* evil, Angel. You made sacrifices for the greater good. You had a job! You swore an *oath*!"

Angel let go of Wes, staring him down. "*I* swore an oath?"

Wesley blinked, taken aback. "I - I meant - "

"It's just hilarious, Wes," Angel said. "You coming here, lecturing *me* about making decisions on other people's behalf. Giving me the evil eye about *trust*, by the way, when from where I'm standing *you're* the one who staged this entire thing and got me to trust *you* so - "

"It didn't work like that!" Wesley told him. "I had no memory. No more than you did."

" - you can get me to let my guard down," Angel continued, "get me *alone* like this so you can work your little spell and *steal* from me - "

"That's not true," Wesley insisted. "I had *no* idea that I would fall in love with you again!"

The word hung out in the air between them.

"Again?" Angel repeated. "Gee, Wes, thanks so much for telling me the *first* time."

"This isn't how it was meant to be," Wesley said. He came forward, trying to look Angel in the eye. "Everything over there was wrong. I knew it. I knew that if I could find you, give you *your* memory back - "

"*You* were wrong, Wesley," Angel told him, his voice flat. "This is my decision. This is what *I* want. You want to try taking me back you go nuts but I'm not going without a fight. Actually, I'm just not going. So pack up your spells and your memories and get the Hell out."

Wesley reached for him. "Angel - "

Angel shoved him back down onto the ground. "Get the Hell *out*. You've got a day. After that I'd better not see you ever again. Do you got that?"

"Dad?"

The sound of Connor's voice made him freeze. Angel turned to see his son standing on the trail. "Connor?"

Connor frowned, looking curious. "I heard shouting. Is everything okay?"

Angel went to Connor's side, holding him tight before looking him over carefully. "Connor - are *you* okay? Is everything all right? Do you feel okay? Is anything wrong?"

Connor allowed two seconds of the ministrations before trying to pull out of it. "Yeah, I'm fine. Jeez, Dad, whatever. I just thought something was up."

"Nothing's up," Angel said. He stared at Connor's eyes, looking for any hint of memories of what he'd gone through on the other side. "Absolutely nothing. If you're okay then I'm amazing. You got that?"

"Sure," Connor said, shrugging out of Angel's hold. "So can we go now?"

"Yeah, let's get out of here," Angel said. He kept hold of Connor's arm, not ready to let go of him yet. "I'm suddenly real bored with this."

Connor stopped, moving to help Wesley up off the ground. "Wes, if you - "

Angel snatched him back. "Don't *touch* him, Connor. Don't even talk to him."

Connor glared at the rough treatment. "Dad, what the Hell?"

"It's nothing," Angel said, moving Connor back onto the path. "Let's go."

Wesley made one last attempt to talk to him. "Angel - "

"Shut the Hell up," Angel told him. "One day. That's it. And take care of your god-damned daughter, Wes. She's crying."

Wesley blinked, looking over at the baby in the stroller as though he'd completely forgotten she was there. "Oh."

***

"Dad. Dad. *Dad*!" Connor finally jerked out of his touch when they were halfway home. "I'm not *three*, all right? I can walk myself."

Angel didn't want to let go of him but he forced himself to go along. "Okay. Right. Sorry."

"And I'm not going home," Connor said. "The gang and I are gonna hit a movie. I was coming to ask for more cash."

"I *gave* you - " Angel started to say, then felt his head hurt at the double-vision of memories. He pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes. "I - "

Connor was in front of him, touching him gently. "Dad?"

Angel dropped his hands, looking at him. "Do you love me? Connor, you know I would never *force* you to, never *demand* that - No. No. Forget I asked that. Are you *happy*? With your life? With everything? Are you happy?"

"I guess," Connor shrugged. His brows furrowed together in a frown. "'course right now I'm kind of busy with the part where my dad's lost his *mind*, though."

"I'm sorry," Angel said again. He squeezed Connor's arms then let him go. "I'm sorry. I'm okay. I promise. I just - here, take money." Angel fished for his wallet, pulling out a small handful of bills. "Go to the movies. Have soda, and candy, and popcorn, and *normal* stuff that every kid should have."

Connor took the money, regarding him suspiciously. "Dad, what the Hell is going on?"

"Wes and I had a fight," Angel told him. "He's not - look, just don't spend any time with him, okay? Go be with Tracy and Rick and everybody else and have a good time. Things will be better in the morning."

"You want me to stay out all night?" Connor asked, doubt shaping his features.

"Your curfew is 11:30 and you know it," Angel replied, surprised at how easy it was for the words to still be there in spite of the hundreds of years of memories which contradicted them. "I just meant have fun. On your old man. All right?"

Connor stared at him a long time, then folded the money into his pocket. "I'm going to be back later."

"Good," Angel said.

"Maybe even *early*," Connor added, as though this were a warning.

"Whatever you want," Angel replied.

Connor kept staring, then finally walked off.

Angel watched until Connor was no more than a speck in the distance, then decided he could use a walk himself to clear his head.

***

A walk around town turned into a hike along the Post Road turned into Angel simply putting one foot in front of another until the sun set, there was no sign of life around him and his legs and feet began to ache.

Angel stood there, right in the middle of nowhere, his pounding heart reminding him that he was far too human and even too old to attempt this sort of stunt, and knew that nothing but *nothing* was ever going to take it away from him. Not even the memories of the life he'd once had.

He turned around and walked home again.

***

"I don't believe it," Fred was saying as Angel walked into the diner. She, Gunn, and Cordy were there, enjoying what looked like an impromptu breakfast. "It just *can't* be real."

Angel stood in the doorway, again feeling the double vision of Fred at the counter of the diner overlapping with memories of Fred at the very similar looking counter of the Hyperion hotel, and then felt her actual words send a jolt of panic through his system. "*What* can't be real?"

Everyone looked up to see him.

"Angel, where the Hell were you, man?" Gunn asked, coming over to take a look at him. "You vanished yesterday and - "

"*What* can't be real?" Angel asked. He looked from Gunn to Fred to - God, Cordy. Cordy who was supposed to be in a coma. Cordy who'd been *taken*, *hurt* by the Powers and made to break his heat and betray each and every one of them. "*What*?"

"Well for starters your outfit," Cordy replied, brushing her hands over a few wrinkles in his jacket. "What, did you *sleep* in this or something? How many times do I have to tell you that if you want to earn some respect around this place you've got to dress like it?"

"My outfit's *fine*, Cordy, what I'm asking is - " Angel stopped, looking down at her. "You're just worried about my outfit?"

"I'm not saying the hair couldn't use a long and heavy discussion too," Cordy said, "but I figured one obstacle at a time."

Angel grabbed her and kissed her. "Thank *God*."

Cordy pushed back. "Hey! Boundaries! We talked about the no dating thing!"

"Right, right," Angel said. Relief coursed through him. He felt almost giddy. "Sorry. I'm just - suddenly I'm in a very good mood. Let's go out. Do something. The party's on me."

Fred looked worried. "Angel, are you sure that's appropriate?"

"I am absolutely sure that's appropriate," Angel said. He went over to the cash register, needing two tries to remember how to open it. "Come on. What do you say? And let's grab Connor. He's here, right?"

"Yeah, he came home last night wondering where the Hell *you* were," Gunn said. He came over to the counter, standing beside him. "And what the fuck is going on? We're playing a game then suddenly you vanish, Connor's in a sulk and Wesley - "

Angel's head snapped up. "What about Wesley?"

"He's in trouble," Fred replied.

"Kate came by earlier," Cordy explained. "Said she heard from one of her cop buddies that there's a guy over in Mayford looking for the owner of an SUV with Wes's license plates."

Again Angel's memories came on a slight time delay. "Mayford. That's… two towns over, right?"

"Yeah," Gunn said, watching him suspiciously. "According to him our boy Wes is wanted on a count of kidnapping. Plenty of other stuff too."

"Oh," Angel said, unsurprised by it.

"Oh?" Fred demanded. "*Oh?* Angel, it *can't* be true. Wesley wouldn't - "

"Wes would do a *lot* of stuff you wouldn't give him credit for," Angel said. He slammed the cash register drawer shut, his celebratory mood having left him. "Which is why I told him to get out of town. Now if you'll excuse me."

"Angel," Cordy said, trying to stop him.

"*What?*" Angel snapped, feeling the exhaustion of the past day catching up with him.

Cordy didn't flinch, but she clearly decided now was not the time to try to sweet talk him. "Here," she said, handing him a business card. "Kate said to give that to you. It's the guy looking for Wesley."

Angel took the card, read it, and smirked. "Yeah that makes sense. I'll be upstairs."

Fortunately nobody tried to stop him.

***