Proof that I have WAY too many thoughts.
Mar. 20th, 2002 09:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thebratqueenToo many thoughts, too much free time. The internet is a dangerous thing.
Selected scenes from O Vampire, Where Art Thou
[on a boxcar, a convict with carefully coiffed hair addresses a group of hobos]
ANGEL: Hey, uh - any of you guys smithies? Or, if not smithies per se, were you otherwise trained in the metallugic arts before straitened circumstances forced you into a life of aimless wandering?
WES: When did you start talking like that?
[outside, GUNN trips, yanking ANGEL and WES out of the boxcar by the chains they are all attached to]
ANGEL: Jesus - can't I count on you guys?
WES: Sorry, Angel.
ANGEL: All right, if we take off through that sewer grate -
GUNN: Hang on - who said you could be leader?
ANGEL: Well, Gunn, I just figured it should be one with the capacity for abstract thought.
WES: You can't even spell "abstract thought"
ANGEL: Fine, let's vote.
WES: Suits me. I'm voting for myself.
ANGEL: Well I'm voting for me too!
[both men look agressively at GUNN]
GUNN: Why am I even hanging out with you guys?
[cut]
[in the swamps]
ORACLES: You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains.
WES: No, no, I refuse to work with them. They can stay dead as far as I'm concerned.
[cut]
[DRYGOODS STORE. The proprietor hands ANGEL a tin of pomade]
ANGEL: Wait a sec - I don't want this. I want Dapper Dan.
PROPRIETOR: I don't carry Dapper Dan. I carry Fop.
ANGEL: Like I don't get enough jokes about being gay. Goddamnit - I use Dapper Dan!
GUNN: Are there going to be a lot of jokes about your hair?
[cut]
[later, in the car]
WES: Pull over, Angel - let's give that demon a lift.
[THE HOST is standing by the side of the road, wearing his leisure suit best and carrying a guitar. As they stop, he trots up to the open window]
HOST: Hey - you cats going through Los Angeles?
WES: Yes, by way of Sunnydale.
[THE HOST climbs in]
HOST: Thanks for the lift. The name's Lorne.
ANGEL: What're you doing out in the middle of nowhere?
HOST: I had to be at that crossroads last midnight to sell my soul to the devil.
ANGEL: Well ain't it a small world. Gunn and Wesley here just got saved, and I've been cursed with a soul. What'd you sell your soul for?
HOST: A stylish wardrobe and a great singing voice. I'm hoping to kick-start a revival of disco.
GUNN: Gotta say I always wondered - what's the devil look like?
ANGEL: Well with all the demons and vampires in the world it's hard to tell, but Satan himself is red and scaly witha bifurcated tail and carries a hayfork.
HOST: Actually he's a pale white guy who goes by the name David Greenwalt.
[cut]
[at the recording studio]
WES: Oh God - please don't tell me Angel's going to sing.
ANGEL: Like Clooney had any talent either.
[cut]
[by a riverbank, the FURIES sing]
FURIES: Mmm, Angel.
GUNN: Man, haven't we had enough of that gag?
[later]
WES: Bloody Hell! The Furies have turned Gunn into some kind of horny toad!
ANGEL: Is this some kind of slash thing?
WES: Oh like you'd know.
[cut]
[at the Five and Dime]
ANGEL: Who the hell is that?!
BUFFY: My sister, Dawn.
ANGEL: Dawn who? How come you never told me about her?
DAWN: Because I was made by monks. Plus we can't have crossovers anymore.
ANGEL: And that's another thing - why're you telling people we can't have crossovers anymore?
BUFFY: Lots of respectable shows don't have crossovers. West Wing doesn't do crossovers. 24 doesn't do crossovers. Besides, what was I supposed to tell people? That you're stuck on the WB and I've turned into the lead-in for Roswell?
ANGEL: Well - good point, but this really screws me over as far as my credibility goes. I've got people saying I'm in love with Cordelia!
[a vamp in a black duster joins them]
SPIKE: This poof bothering you, pet?
ANGEL: Spike.
SPIKE: Angelus.
ANGEL: [catches a scent] Have you been using my hair gel? [shakes it off, drags BUFFY over to a corner for a private conversation] Look - I've got news for you in case you haven't noticed. I'm right here. We can do crossovers. And I've traveled a long way to see you and Joyce.
DAWN: And me!
ANGEL: You don't exist!
BUFFY: And we can't do crossovers!
ANGEL: Stop that!
BUFFY: No, you stop it! I'm with Spike now! Spike's got a chip! Spike's got prospects! He's bona fide! What're you?
ANGEL: I'll tell you what I am! I'm the vamperfamilias! You can't sleep with him!
BUFFY: I can and I am and I will - tomorrow, and every day the UPN doesn't have a standards and practices division! I gotta think about the audience! They look to me for excitement! Spike's got an accent and does push-ups while naked! The only good thing you ever did was wear leather pants!
***
Okay, stopping now to go get myself a life.
Selected scenes from O Vampire, Where Art Thou
[on a boxcar, a convict with carefully coiffed hair addresses a group of hobos]
ANGEL: Hey, uh - any of you guys smithies? Or, if not smithies per se, were you otherwise trained in the metallugic arts before straitened circumstances forced you into a life of aimless wandering?
WES: When did you start talking like that?
[outside, GUNN trips, yanking ANGEL and WES out of the boxcar by the chains they are all attached to]
ANGEL: Jesus - can't I count on you guys?
WES: Sorry, Angel.
ANGEL: All right, if we take off through that sewer grate -
GUNN: Hang on - who said you could be leader?
ANGEL: Well, Gunn, I just figured it should be one with the capacity for abstract thought.
WES: You can't even spell "abstract thought"
ANGEL: Fine, let's vote.
WES: Suits me. I'm voting for myself.
ANGEL: Well I'm voting for me too!
[both men look agressively at GUNN]
GUNN: Why am I even hanging out with you guys?
[cut]
[in the swamps]
ORACLES: You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains.
WES: No, no, I refuse to work with them. They can stay dead as far as I'm concerned.
[cut]
[DRYGOODS STORE. The proprietor hands ANGEL a tin of pomade]
ANGEL: Wait a sec - I don't want this. I want Dapper Dan.
PROPRIETOR: I don't carry Dapper Dan. I carry Fop.
ANGEL: Like I don't get enough jokes about being gay. Goddamnit - I use Dapper Dan!
GUNN: Are there going to be a lot of jokes about your hair?
[cut]
[later, in the car]
WES: Pull over, Angel - let's give that demon a lift.
[THE HOST is standing by the side of the road, wearing his leisure suit best and carrying a guitar. As they stop, he trots up to the open window]
HOST: Hey - you cats going through Los Angeles?
WES: Yes, by way of Sunnydale.
[THE HOST climbs in]
HOST: Thanks for the lift. The name's Lorne.
ANGEL: What're you doing out in the middle of nowhere?
HOST: I had to be at that crossroads last midnight to sell my soul to the devil.
ANGEL: Well ain't it a small world. Gunn and Wesley here just got saved, and I've been cursed with a soul. What'd you sell your soul for?
HOST: A stylish wardrobe and a great singing voice. I'm hoping to kick-start a revival of disco.
GUNN: Gotta say I always wondered - what's the devil look like?
ANGEL: Well with all the demons and vampires in the world it's hard to tell, but Satan himself is red and scaly witha bifurcated tail and carries a hayfork.
HOST: Actually he's a pale white guy who goes by the name David Greenwalt.
[cut]
[at the recording studio]
WES: Oh God - please don't tell me Angel's going to sing.
ANGEL: Like Clooney had any talent either.
[cut]
[by a riverbank, the FURIES sing]
FURIES: Mmm, Angel.
GUNN: Man, haven't we had enough of that gag?
[later]
WES: Bloody Hell! The Furies have turned Gunn into some kind of horny toad!
ANGEL: Is this some kind of slash thing?
WES: Oh like you'd know.
[cut]
[at the Five and Dime]
ANGEL: Who the hell is that?!
BUFFY: My sister, Dawn.
ANGEL: Dawn who? How come you never told me about her?
DAWN: Because I was made by monks. Plus we can't have crossovers anymore.
ANGEL: And that's another thing - why're you telling people we can't have crossovers anymore?
BUFFY: Lots of respectable shows don't have crossovers. West Wing doesn't do crossovers. 24 doesn't do crossovers. Besides, what was I supposed to tell people? That you're stuck on the WB and I've turned into the lead-in for Roswell?
ANGEL: Well - good point, but this really screws me over as far as my credibility goes. I've got people saying I'm in love with Cordelia!
[a vamp in a black duster joins them]
SPIKE: This poof bothering you, pet?
ANGEL: Spike.
SPIKE: Angelus.
ANGEL: [catches a scent] Have you been using my hair gel? [shakes it off, drags BUFFY over to a corner for a private conversation] Look - I've got news for you in case you haven't noticed. I'm right here. We can do crossovers. And I've traveled a long way to see you and Joyce.
DAWN: And me!
ANGEL: You don't exist!
BUFFY: And we can't do crossovers!
ANGEL: Stop that!
BUFFY: No, you stop it! I'm with Spike now! Spike's got a chip! Spike's got prospects! He's bona fide! What're you?
ANGEL: I'll tell you what I am! I'm the vamperfamilias! You can't sleep with him!
BUFFY: I can and I am and I will - tomorrow, and every day the UPN doesn't have a standards and practices division! I gotta think about the audience! They look to me for excitement! Spike's got an accent and does push-ups while naked! The only good thing you ever did was wear leather pants!
***
Okay, stopping now to go get myself a life.
