TBQ and zortified and a naked Wes and Angel part 1

[thebratqueen]

Zort: I just had an evil idea for a ficlet for us to write

TBQ: [perks up]

Zort: Wesley and Angel are trying to get back into the hotel without Gunn or Cordy or anyone else seeing them. The problem - they're naked, and they were not outside having sex. When they finally get into the hotel, they still can't get up to the second floor, because there is always someone in the way.

Zort: Angel would be all like 'look, just put you hands in front of yourself, and we'll just walk over to the stairs' And Wes has to give him that 'if looks could slay' glare.

TBQ: Wes would use Angel as a shield since he's - ahem - bigger. ;)

Zort: 'We could sneak down to the basement and get dirty clothes from the laundry?'

Zort: 'Except that I *finished* the laundry yesterday and took it upstairs'

TBQ: "Bloody Hell - since when did *you* start becoming punctual about the chores? I asked you to take the recycling out *weeks* ago yet - "

TBQ: "Wes?"

TBQ: "What?"

TBQ: "Focus."

Zort: heee

TBQ: "And of course we can't simply use the side stairs because *that* hasn't been cleaned. I suppose it's my own fault for not updating my tetanus shots. Although if we had major medical - which I *told* you we should get but Heaven forefend - "

TBQ: "Do you *always* babble when you're nervous?"

TBQ: "I'd say paralyzed by humiliation but otherwise it's spot-on, yes."

Zort: hmm.. though why wouldn't he just send Angel up, naked, to bring back clothes?

Zort: "You've been evil. You've ravaged Europe. Surely you can walk past your friends while naked."

Zort: "Yeah, but I've also been looking at you, naked. Not so much wanting them to see me in full glory, you know?"

TBQ: Yeah, or - "Angel, if you love me you'll go upstairs and fetch something for us to wear."

TBQ: Angel wavers. "Um - I can't."

TBQ: Wesley blinks. "Why on earth not? You were the Scourge of Bloody Europe. You're not about to tell me you're *shy*?"

TBQ: Angel coughed. "Okay, see, the thing is *Gunn's* in the room and - "

TBQ: "What?"

TBQ: Angel coughed again and looked away. "It's just - the thing is - well there's this *size* issue."

Zort: heeeeeeeeee

Zort: "Are you trying to tell me Gunn is larger than you are?"

Zort: "Where it counts, yes."

Zort: "Angel - how exactly do you *know*?"

Zort: "Well not *trying* to tell you - um - no."

TBQ: "There was a demon. And some fighting. And - some ripping - look I don't wanna talk about it."

Zort: I wonder why Angel ever thinks he's the alpha

TBQ: Heh - oh totally. He *thinks* he's the alpha but Wes has been in charge of that relationship since minute one.

Zort: "I think you'd better talk about it, with a great deal of explanations. Including when this was, why you saw him *aroused* and why exactly you never saw fit to tell me about this."

TBQ: "Hello? We weren't dating! In fact I seem to remember *somebody* telling me that I could drop dead and bugger myself and besides none of that really making sense in that order *or* for a vampire excuse *me* all to Hell if I thought it meant you hated me and - how'd we get on this topic again?"

Zort: "And how many chances have you had, since, to tell me about it?"

TBQ: Angel thought about it, then took in their situation. "Well just the one, obviously."

[Zort and TBQ take off from there]

Wesley folded his arms. "So you're saying we've never talked, ever, in our entire relationship? Never had a moment free of primal grunting to carry on a conversation?"

"I wasn't saying that!" Angel replied, defensively. "I'm just saying it hasn't come up! Not like you've told *me* about all the guys you've seen naked." Angel paused, then narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "It's a short list, right?"

"Depends on how small the writing is," Wesley said blandly.

"Who?"

"You'd do anything to get out of going in there naked, won't you?"

"Hey, hey, hey - don't change the subject," Angel said, pointing at Wes. "I wanna know, 'cause I'm thinking I've got a weekend coming up of asses to kick."

"Oh, really? Then I'll be happy to start out with saying I've seen Cordelia naked. Now--"

"*What*? When?"

"Oh, I think you should ask her. Let me know, so I can have a dustbuster handy to clean you up after."

Angel tried to process this. "You didn't... *sleep* with Cordy, right?"

Wesley raised an eyebrow. "Did I ever sleep with anyone after the first time you actually kissed me?"

Angel opened his mouth, closed it, opened it, closed it, then hesitantly asked. "Do I - um - *want* to know?"

"You're the one who told me once you could smell that I'd had sex with a bleached blond," Wesley reminded him. "Are you saying you wouldn't have noticed if I'd slept with anyone after we kissed?"

"Well, *yeah*," Angel said. "Except - well the thing is you're *smarter* than me and I... I'm being an ass, right?"

"You mean, because you're accusing me of cheating on you, or because you're making me stand outside in an alleyway, bullocks naked, freezing my arse off, while you refuse to go in and fetch me something to wear so I can go inside?"

Angel cleared his throat. "Probably all of the above, I'm thinking. This is one of those things where I buy you a really expensive dinner later, isn't it?"

"It really depends on how quickly I find myself inside where it's warm." Wesley suddenly sighed, shook his head, and stepped towards the door.

Angel moved to stop him. "The garage. You can warm up in the car. I'll go in." Thinking he hadn't groveled enough, he added. "And draw you a bath."

"Where exactly have you put your car keys?"

"Inside, but I was thinking hotwiring it."

"And with the top up, you were going to get into the car how? Keep in mind that if you damage the top, it will be impossible for me to get warmed up except by pressing parts of my body up against the heat vents."

Angel reminded himself this was not the time to get distracted by the idea of Wes pressing himself up against anything. "I could - um - okay. Point. Um - well garage is at least a start, right? Out of the elements?"

Wesley sighed. "Let's just go inside. Fred's the only one in there who's never seen me naked, before. I'm sure she won't mind the experience."

"Well not like she's gonna remember anyway and - what?"

"Why wouldn't she remember?"

"'cause she's insane?" Angel said. "Just a thought? Not saying you *aren't* memorable, Wes. Fuck knows *I* can't forget the first time I saw you with your clothes off."

"She's really doing much better, now, Angel. I hardly think the sight of me, naked, would be traumatic enough for her to put it out of her mind."

"I'm not saying she's not doing better and I'm *definitely* not saying it's a trauma. I know I'm atoning and all but sleeping with you isn't something I'd put on the list of stuff I do just to punish myself."

"So what else is it, in addition to punishing yourself?" Wesley asked with a very sudden hard tone in his voice.

Angel met Wesley's eyes. "Nice. And something I don't deserve. But you let me anyway. That's... pretty amazing."

"Ah. So is it the fact that it's nice, that makes it better punishment, or the fact that it's punishment mean it's all right that it's nice?"

Angel blinked. "Huh? Who said it was a punishment?"

"You did. About a minute and a half ago."

"What? I said it *wasn't* punishment, Wes," Angel said. "I said I know I'm atoning for a lot but you're not on the list of stuff that's punishment. Believe me, you're not."

"You said it was not something you do *just* to punish yourself. I asked what it was in *addition* to punishing yourself. At no time did you say sleeping with me was not part of your punishment." Wesley paused. "Er, that is, until just now. But I'm still extremely pissed off only I haven't anything to be mad about."

"Well you could be mad at me if you wanted," Angel said. "Not saying you couldn't. Just saying you're not punishment. Never were. Only thing about you that was was being away from you. And thinking you hated me."

Wesley seemed to deflate all at once -- anger disappearing like water down a drain. He looked away and said, "But I did, you know. Hate you."

Angel nodded. "I know."

"But I love you, now," he said quickly.

"I know," Angel said, quietly. "Kinda hoping to keep it that way."

Wesley's slow smile was probably the closest Angel would ever get to seeing the sun again. "I think that's manageable."

"Hey - cool," Angel said, giving Wes a small grin. "I'm manageable."

"Loving you is manageable," Wesley corrected. "You, on the other hand, are still woefully untrained."

Angel gave Wes an intimate look. "You could fix that."

"I could. If I were not standing outside in an alleyway, bollocks naked, freezing my arse off."

"But - just so I'm clear here - you *could* if we were inside and warm?" Angel moved closer, sliding a hand over Wes's hip. "'cause I'm thinking you'd be really good at this. You know I hear if you treat 'em right you can get a wild Angel to heel and even eat off your hand."

"Yes," Wesley nodded. "I believe if I were inside and warm, I would feel properly attentive to training any wild Angels I might capture. I might even feel up to using that leather harness you enjoy so well."

It was a moment before Angel could think again. "Right. Inside. Clothes. I'll go do that."

Wesley caught his hand. "We'll both go -- it'll be faster."

Angel smiled, threading his fingers through Wes's. "I'll protect ya."

Wesley raised an eyebrow. "From what?" he teased.

Angel met his eyes and answered more seriously than Wes had probably intended. "Anything. I'd protect you from anything."

Wesley shivered. "Does that include incipient pneumonia?"

Angel opened the door, good-naturedly muttering "*Said* I'd draw you a bath."

"And a brandy?"

"You can lick it off my fingers," Angel promised, then added. "Or anything else, really. I'm not picky."

"Oo. I was about to say I wanted a hot toddy. I think brandy-coated Angel sounds better." Wesley followed Angel inside.

"You know there's *lots* of stuff you could coat me with," Angel pointed out. "I mentioned I'm not picky, right?"

"You have mentioned it," Wesley agreed. "Usually every time the subject comes up." He gave Angel a measuring look. "I think you have a fetish."

Angel threw the look right back at him. "Yep. Sexy British guys named Wes."

Wesley raised one eyebrow as high as it would go. "You've slept with other British men named Wesley?" he frowned. "How many?"

"Just the one," Angel said. "I'm real specific."

"Then that's not really a fetish, is it?"

"What? I've got a fetish for you, that's a thing, isn't it?" Angel said.

"Well, technically a fetish would be something you must have in order to have sexual pleasure," Wesley began, knowing what Angel's response would be.

Angel nodded. "Right. I need you for sexual pleasure. And - you know - fun and conversations and stuff. I'm not saying it's the *only* thing I need you for."

"Yes, but it would mean that - should I have to go to Des Moines to pick up a book, and called you from the hotel and asked what you'd been doing, you wouldn't be able to say you'd been masturbating."

"I could," Angel said defensively. "I'd just be thinking about you while I did it."

"Ah. Mm. Good point."

"'cause you know I do that."

"You do? You masturbate while thinking of me? Even now we're together?"

"Well *yeah*," Angel said, as though it were obvious. "Who else would I be thinking about, Wes?"

"I meant -- you still masturbate?"

"Oh," Angel said. "Yeah."

"Really." Wesley was getting a rather lovely image. Unfortunately it was going to make it harder to walk through the lobby.

"Yep," Angel said. He gave Wes a slow, half-smile. "Sometimes I wanna touch you and I can't. Makes things... hard."

Wesley glanced down, to see.

It was immature, but Angel couldn't resist. "Want a closer look?"

"At it's current size, I would need one," Wesley teased.

"You could fix that," Angel pointed out.

"I could, but then Gunn would see you and feel smugly superior--"

"Not if your mouth was on it."

"I am not sucking you off where Gunn can see us."

"So how come we're not upstairs again?"

"There's a lobby full of our friends, between us and it?"

"Walking through it could be a thing."

"Especially if you keep talking about sucking me off," Wesley said, dead-pan.

Angel gave him a suggestive look. "Remember what I told ya about training a wild Angel?"

"They're very good at giving blow jobs?" Wesley guessed.

Angel moved closer, pitching his voice lower. "They're very *obedient* about giving blow jobs."

"How are they at using their vampiric speed to run to the stairs without anyone getting a good look, and bringing back something for me to wear?"

Angel thought about it. "Pretty good."

"And why haven't you done so before now?" Wesley had actually been waiting for angel to offer, since they'd realized they had to get inside while naked.

Angel gave him another sexy half-grin. "Waiting for the order.... boss."

Wesley spanked him hard, on the right buttock. "Go on, then. I'm counting."

"Man you're distracting," Angel said. He then put on a burst of vamp speed to go inside and upstairs.

Wesley smiled, and sauntered after him, wondering if Angel would even notice that the others had left the lobby.

(con't)