Protocol, Part Nineteen

[thebratqueen]

Previous parts can be found here.

PART NINETEEN

It was a moment before Wesley spoke again.

"Would my Lord like to know how I served him today?"

Angel pondered the question. "Is that a fancy way of saying you'll tell me how your day went?"

Wes nodded, still curled around his ugly teapot like - well, like a mama cat around a kitten. Or bird around a chick, though Angel guessed maybe a bird would've actually sat on the teapot instead of hugging it with its wings. Hands. Whatever. "Yes, my Lord."

"You know, you could just *tell* me how your day went."

"My Lord might not be interested in such matters," Wesley said.

"But I am."

"It's not my place to presume."

"But I *am*."

"It's still not my place to presume, my Lord," Wesley said, his tone making it clear that this time "my Lord" did not mean "fuck me harder", though Angel was happy for the distraction anyway. "To tell you of my day assumes that you would find such matters interesting, or that events which happen to me are in any way important to you. I may, however, offer a status report on the activities I have done by your request, as you may wish to pass judgment on my successes or failures with them."

Angel took that all in. "Seriously, you can just tell me about your day."

"My Lord - "

"Wes," Angel said, using a bit of his kingly voice in the process, "I'm *telling* you that. I like you. I like knowing what you do. When I come home I want to know what happened to you. Don't you want to know the same for me?"

"Of course, my Lord," Wesley said.

"So how's it different?"

"You are my Lord," Wesley said, "and I am only a spouse."

"I *like* you," Angel reminded him.

Wes ducked his head and smiled at that. "Thank you, my Lord."

"You are seriously cute when you blush."

Wes fiddled with his teapot. "Thank you, my Lord."

Again a long silence followed. When Wes didn't try to fill it, Angel prompted him, "So, Wes, how was your day?"

"Very good, my Lord," Wesley said. "I began working on that organization that you asked for."

"Better you than me," Angel said. "Any luck?"

"I believe so," Wes looked up at him through his lashes. "My Lord… I may have suggestions to make in that area."

Angel felt the tension in Wes's body. "Okay?"

Wes's expression was now puzzled. "Suggestions for *improvement*, my Lord."

"Didn't exactly think you'd be suggesting how to destroy all this from the inside," Angel said.

For some reason Wes didn't find that funny. "I'm here to help you, my Lord."

Angel reminded himself to curb the jokes in Wes's hearing. "I know. And you do. I want to hear your suggestions, honest."

"I think we're not being efficient in our use of manpower," Wesley said. "And our resources aren't nearly at the levels that I would like them to be for an installation of this magnitude."

"Resources?" Angel asked.

"Food, magical supplies, medicinal supplies," Wesley said. "We should have enough to last for months in case of siege. Right now I don't believe that we do. Also I do not think we're taking full advantage of everything in this area. There are local flora and fauna which should be supplementing our stores. I see hardly any mention of them in the records."

"We've got farms," Angel said. "Is that what you mean?"

Wes shook his head. "I mean things which are available here natively."

"Ah," Angel said. He shrugged. "No idea. Don't think anybody does. Gotta remember this used to be heavy industrial area. Not a lot of people went picking through the weeds."

Wes's gaze went back down to the teapot. His fingers traced circles around the lid. "My Lord, I could make a list of things which should be in the area which could prove useful to us. Perhaps a team of some sort could be sent out to find them? If nothing else a true survey of our surroundings would allow me to use my knowledge to alert you to items of value, which would only increase the worth of your domain."

"You want to see what's outside," Angel translated.

Wes's head snapped up. "My Lord, I - I would *never* intend to - "

Angel silenced him before the apologetic babble could go further. "I think it's a good idea. You can go tomorrow. Take some protection with you, it's not safe."

Wes was looking at him with utter disbelief. "My Lord… you could send the team without me."

"You're the only one who knows what he's looking for," Angel said.

Wes shifted over, placing himself in Angel's lap. "Thank you, my Lord."

Angel frowned. "For what?"

Wes smiled. "Trusting me."

"You haven't given me reason not to," Angel said.

Wes got more serious. "My Lord, your son was here earlier today."

"I know," Angel said, then remembered he wasn't supposed to. "I mean - really? That's great."

"I know that you sent him," Wesley said. He gave Angel a bit of a look. "My Lord, *bribery*?"

"It's not a bribe," Angel said.

"He told me you paid him."

"Which makes it a *job*," Angel said. "Completely different from a bribe."

"You are - " Wes shook his head. "You and he both are so unlike anything I could have imagined."

"Is that good?" Angel asked.

"It's very good," Wesley said.

"Feel like part of the family?" Angel asked.

"I'm starting to," Wes said, quietly. He seemed to steel his resolve. "My Lord, Connor will tell you that I got a letter from home today."

"How is everything?" Angel asked.

"It - " Wes held the teapot closer, then drew himself up formally. "My Lord, there is some dispute that I am serving you adequately."

"You're kidding me, right?" Angel asked. Then, when Wes wouldn't take the words back, added, "*Right?*"

"It is considered that I… have not done all that I could to be a real spouse," Wesley said.

"Are they joking?" Angel asked. "Wes, you do everything but *breathe* for me. What the Hell is left?"

"I could serve you better," Wesley replied.

Which Angel knew better than to think of as a *real* reply. "Wes, I don't know what they're talking about or even how they know what you are and aren't doing - "

"They have ways, my Lord," Wes murmured.

" - but you are *mine*," Angel said. "I married you, I want you, and you're perfect. Whatever it is they think you're supposed to do, they're wrong. You make me very happy. Happier than I ever thought you could."

Wes looked up, his fingers curling around the base of the pot. "I could do more. I could do *better*. My Lord, I want to please you, to honor you, to prove that your spouse isn't - "

"Isn't what?" Angel asked, watching him carefully.

"Inadequate," Wes said, but he didn't meet Angel's eyes and Angel knew that wasn't the word Wes had originally intended.

"You're not," Angel told him.

"The Council disagrees," Wesley said.

"The Council doesn't own you," Angel said. "I do."

"If there are things that I can do - "

"I'll tell you," Angel promised. "In the meanwhile you're already doing them."

"If you're certain," Wesley said.

"Cross my heart," Angel said. Then, hit by inspiration, added, "Besides, why would you trust someone else more than you trust me? I'm your husband. Don't I get the last word on everything?"

"You do, my Lord," Wesley said.

Angel rubbed Wes's cheek with the back of his hand. "Then my word is that you're amazing."

Wes smiled at that, pressing into the touch. "Thank you, Angel."

Angel thought it was remarkable how an unbeating heart could still feel like some things made it flutter.

***

"We should hunt," Connor announced. He moved lithely through the bushes that dotted the hillside that hid Angel's fortress. In what was the first sign Wesley had ever seen of the boy's inhuman nature, he left absolutely no evidence of his passing. It was as though a shadow walked in front of them. "Bring back food. Wes? You wanna eat anything that I can get?"

Wesley tried to force his mind to focus. It was still half-lost in the raptures of fresh air and sunlight. He wanted to lie down on the ground and stare at the pale blue sky. "That would greatly depend on what you found, would it not? There are certain species of demons that we are not meant to consume."

Connor made a face at him as though he'd been joking. "I meant *real* food. Rabbits, pigeons, maybe some gazelles if we get lucky."

Wesley blinked at the last item. "Are those native to this area?"

"They were when the zoo still existed," Willow explained. "Then the world kinda got apocalypsey and now they're out here with the rest of us."

"On the plus side," Xander said, "It's not everywhere on this planet where you can have just as much chance of running into a tiger as you do a penguin." Xander frowned. "Except, I guess, everywhere *else* that had a zoo that went belly up."

"I feel bad for them," Willow said. "It's such a long swim to get home. I feel like we should fly them down there or something."

"Guess they should have thought of *that* when they were picking snazzy tuxedos instead of working wings in the great tag sale of evolution," Xander said. He waggled a finger at her. "Let that be a lesson to all of us about the dangers of vanity."

Connor seemed to be ignoring the bulk of this. "There's tracks. I'm going to see what I can bag. Stay behind me - " this seemed mostly directed at Xander " - last time you scared off at least five good kills."

"Gosh," Xander said, looking after Connor's disappearing form with an exaggerated note of pride. "Some days you could never tell that boy's descended from a couple of mass murderers."

"Xander!" Willow scolded.

"I kid because I love," Xander said.

"Even so," Wesley reminded him, "it's not altogether wise to make insulting comments about Angel within my hearing."

"Can you really have somebody killed for that?" Willow asked.

"It does fall within the bounds of protocol," Wesley said.

"I'm allowed to joke," Xander said. "I'm family. Much as that ooks me on the best of days."

"Yes," Wesley said. "Speaking of which - "

"We do not have to pretend to be related to one another," Xander said. "I'm fine with that, honest."

"Actually, I wanted to ask your advice," Wesley said. "About Angel."

"Stay away from his grooming products and pretend that you think the stuff he says is funny," Xander told him. "Saves everyone a lot of time."

Wesley cleared his throat. "I meant advice about Angel in the bedroom."

Xander tripped over a rock. Willow grabbed an arm to help him recover. "You want *what?*"

"Advice about Angel in the bedroom," Wesley repeated.

"No," Xander said. He made a motion of finality with the flat of his palm. "No. No way. Nuh-huh. Absolutely not. International sign for fat chance *right* here."

"Why?" Wesley asked.

"There's a history," Willow told him.

"There's an *ew*," Xander said. "A huge, amazing, *large* amount of ew."

Wesley frowned. "Did you and Angel ever - "

"Stop that thought *right* there, buddy," Xander told him. "No, we did not and nor will we ever. As far as I'm concerned there *is* no such thing as Angel in the bedroom, and Connor only got here because the stork dropped him off. In the happy world that is my mind Angel is a completely asexual being, and I see no reason at all to change that. So if you want your tawdry bedroom information you can bug somebody else with it. Besides, I thought you were supposed to be the super-special all-knowing sex guy."

Wesley tried to translate that. "I have been *trained*, yes. I know everything there is to know about pleasuring a man or a woman."

"Might ask you a few questions about that last one," Willow said.

"I'd be happy to help," Wesley told her. Then, realizing how that sounded, added, "Verbally, of course. Not hands-on demonstrations."

"I guessed," Willow assured him.

"Too bad," Xander commented.

Willow reached over and swatted the back of Xander's head. "Behave."

"Yes, ma'am," Xander said, with joking contrition.

"But I know nothing particular to vampires," Wesley continued. Then, realizing that perhaps he'd guessed wrong, he said, "You and Spike *are* in a relationship, are you not?"

"Yeah, okay, *that*," Xander sighed. "If you want to be technical."

"So you have some experience in how to make a vampire happy?" Wesley prompted.

"Usually I let him use up all the hot water in the shower and I pretend I don't mind," Xander said. "Also I don't make fun of his hair. That last one's kind of a family trait."

"I meant sexually," Wesley said.

"Trying not to want to gouge my brain out here," Xander told him. "Because you and sexually is Angel and sexually and then we're back on hello breakfast, nice to see you again."

"You could ask Spike," Willow suggested.

"I'd rather die," Wesley replied.

"Besides, Spike's too likely to make something up as a practical joke," Xander admitted. Then shook his fist in the air. "Curse my sense of human decency for warning you!"

"Perhaps you could simply speak in general of things a vampire might favor?" Wesley asked.

"Blood, death, destruction, not attempting to get a tan…" Xander offered, his brows quirked hopefully.

Wesley turned to Willow. "Is it a trait of everyone in this area to be uncomfortable when speaking about sex?"

"Pretty much," Willow told him. "Why? Angel giving you trouble too?"

"He's remarkably reticent for a mass murderer," Wesley said. He turned back to Xander, asking without rancor, "What's your excuse?"

"A burning sense of shame?" Xander guessed.

"You know if you can *do* it you should be able to *talk* about it," Willow told him with a knowing smile.

"There's talking about it and then there's drawing everybody sketches," Xander said.

"Not everybody," Willow said. "Just Wesley. Besides, he's family and he's asking for help."

"Can't you just ask me to lend a hand while you move furniture or something?" Xander pleaded.

"If the request is too much…" Wesley trailed off, letting the offer to withdraw the question hang in the air.

"No, it's all right," Xander sighed. "But if you tell *anybody* about this I will scream to the hills about your pants being on fire."

Wesley's eyebrows furrowed together. "I beg your pardon?"

"He'll tell everyone you're lying," Willow said.

"Ah," Wesley said.

"Will?" Xander asked, giving her a look. "A little privacy perhaps?"

Willow grinned. "What's the fun in that?"

"Thanks," Xander drawled. He looked around to make sure no one else was near, then started talking. "Okay, first up you need to remember that our boys aren't exactly fragile. Don't ever get scared that you're going to break something. Believe me, we can't."

"I see," Wesley said, making a mental note of that. "Are there any things in particular I should attempt to - er - not break?"

"Oh there's a list," Xander said as they reached the bottom of their hill and began to climb another. "Got time?"

Wesley looked around at all the work ahead of them, and at the prospect of an entire day spent out in the sunlight. "As much as you need."

"Lucky us," Xander said. "And for the record, next time we do this I'm bringing along travel Scrabble."

"Would dirty words be allowed?" Wesley asked, hoping he was getting the spirit of joking done just right.

"Over my dead body, yes," Xander replied, and the smile Willow flashed him told Wesley that perhaps he was starting to get the hang of all this.